i am not so eager on seeing those old pictures again, it all feels stale.
when i see pictures of my mother i wonder hwo she felt about me. about my brother. about being a mother without a job in a foreign country. i have my first memories from there, Brookline, Massachussetts, and the Kindergarden at MIT ...
Sometimes I wish we could simply have stayed there. I think I have written all this before. The past makes me want to run away very fast right now.
just a thought:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_parent
and a quote from the same page:
"Children of narcissists
....
The sensitive, guilt-ridden children in the family learn to meet the parent’s needs for gratification and try to get love by accommodating the whims and wishes of the parent. The child’s normal feelings are ignored, denied and eventually repressed in attempts to gain the parent’s “love.” Guilt and shame keep the child locked into this developmental arrest. Their aggressive impulses and rage become split off and are not integrated with normal development. These children develop a false self as defense mechanism and become codependent in relationships. The child's unconscious denial of their true self perpetuates a cycle of self-hatred, fearing any reminder of their authentic self."
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